I know that everything in life happens for a reason. Everyone we meet on our path serves a purpose. Some people touch our hearts and influence us in a way we couldn’t even imagine. Encounters like that happen mostly when we least expect them and catch us off guard. About 7 months ago I had experienced such an encounter, and it shook me to the core. In our day and age the concept of love seems more like a myth rather than reality, but I am still one of those few left who believe in it. The notion of love at first sight is so elusive that we simply reserve it for the big screen. But I always believed it was possible, and secretly wished I would come to experience it one day.
However, I certainly didn’t except it to happen on a snowy, cold Saturday afternoon in the city that never sleeps. I had agreed to go on a date with a stranger from Tinder, who turned out to be the man I had always dreamt to find. I always assumed online dating to be banal and creepy until that moment he found me in the crowded lobby of the MET and two pairs of dark brown and green clashed together. There it was, the moment I had read about in romance novels and seen in romantic comedies. I had been in love before but this time was different. I felt as though my heart has been cut open and all the feelings that were stored in there came gushing out. I wasn’t prepared for it. It felt incredible, like a high I haven’t had before but it made me feel too vulnerable and exposed. I didn’t know how to contain all the emotions so I did what I do best, I shut it out. I was too afraid to let the feelings simply flush over me because I was terrified of getting hurt again. I knew that the pain would be much too great, so I pretended I didn’t feel any of it. I built a wall around my heart and lied to myself about how I felt. I covered it with I like you a lot, I have feelings for you but I never told him the truth. I never told him that I was utterly and hopelessly in love with him since the very moment we locked eyes. Looking back at it now, I wish I had just embraced the truth and lived in the moment. The fear of pain had consumed me so much that it ended up destroying everything. Love is such a formidable force, nothing compares to its magnitude and like any drug it has the power to kill when overdosed.
I wish I could say that this story is one with a happy ending but it’s not. However, I am so grateful for meeting this man, thanks to whom I was able fall in love again. He touched my soul in a way I didn’t think possible and I will always cherish that. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that love is real and I wont ever give up until I find it. Sometimes our hearts need to be broken so that they can become soft again against the harshness of the world.